So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
