THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
