Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize