whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
