a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
im holly from the hills drunk
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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