I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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