you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
no, he came in my armpit
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize