PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
