if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
