So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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