so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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