i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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