She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
