Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
