please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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