is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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