omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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