Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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