so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
