Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
