Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she pinky promised me she was 18
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
