we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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