There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
