I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
is this the sara with the beer cane?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
