Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You are the jesus of drinking
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
