I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
