I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
