how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
