New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Ladies don't puke and tell
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
