She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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