I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
