shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
