He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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