Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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