Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
