I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
