zippers are such a cool invention
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
