Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
