Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
