Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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