Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
