so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
