I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize