a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
