I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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