i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I deserve this hangover.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
