1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
