Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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