after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
