best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
