hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize