I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
