The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
