Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Still dying that you shit outside
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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