Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
