Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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