a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
