dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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