Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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