You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
