she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
