five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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