I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
