Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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