I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
