I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
