All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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