your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
