Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
my sisters under your porch take her home
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize