and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
