She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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