I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
