chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
