two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
