I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
