You really coming over, don't trick.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
