last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
