So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
