this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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