we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
OPIZZABONMYDICK
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
