Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
