All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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