The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
