"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
