my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Bring me that man meat
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
