someone get that fucking seahorse.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
All I want is dick and wine.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
