It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
