We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
