I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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