im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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