I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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